


What Dean Remembered

by SwoloKip



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baby Sam, Big Brother Dean, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Little Brother Sam, Young Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:04:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2448002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwoloKip/pseuds/SwoloKip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first six months of his life, Sam doesn't remember any of it. But Dean sure as hell did.</p><p>Mostly, Dean remembers that one night when everything went to hell- the night that shouldn't've happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Dean Remembered

**Author's Note:**

> I really feel that there should be more fics like this, family fics, I mean that's what the show's about, right? I'm not saying there ISN'T but there sure as hell isn't enough like it. Sure there are Dean, Sam, and MAYBE some John...but I've never read one yet with Mary thrown in. So, here's my contribution to the Supernatural fandom.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy

Dean Winchester remembers mommy's big belly and putting his hand on it. Daddy and mommy told him his baby brother was in there. Dean was confused as to  _how_  the new baby got inside. 

' _Did mommy swallow a watermelon_?' he wondered. If so, mommy must've been in a lot of sun for it to grow. Which made sense, Dean thought, because mommy liked to garden. So maybe she secretly ate a watermelon seed because she knew a baby would grow instead. Maybe. He didn't know, but what he did know was that his mommy was smart so...she must've known what she was doing.

Dean watched daddy eat a watermelon once. He waited for awhile- for a baby to grow in him too, but when another one didn't come, Dean figured it was okay to eat watermelons. But because Dean didn't want a baby in his belly, he didn't eat the seeds (just in case) and he never forgot it.

Then, one night daddy woke him up and said the baby was coming. After that, daddy helped him change into his Iron Man hoodie and jeans and pick out three comic books to read. Then daddy got a bag made for mommy and the baby while Dean got the card he colored.

"Daddy, when my baby brother comes can I read him my Cap'n America comic?" Dean asked. He was sitting in his booster seat in the back of the car.

Daddy's brown eyes glanced back at him thought the mirror and smiled, "When your mother says it's okay. She and your brother will be very tired when we see them."

Dean shrugged, "'Kay." He kicked his legs against the seat, suddenly nervous. What if his new brother didn't like his comic books? What if he looked like a watermelon after all? Would that mean Dean couldn't play superheroes with him?

"Winchester?" a lady in pink clothes came in. Daddy picked Dean up from his seat and went to the door.

"That's us," daddy said, he kept shifting so Dean knew daddy was nervous too. Dean rested his head on his daddy's shoulder, that usually helped.

"Congratulations, Mr. Winchester," the lady beamed. She nodded to Dean, "Mr. Winchester." (Dean thought this was funny. Only daddy was allowed to be called 'Mr. Winchester.') The pink lady continued, "The delivery was a success."

Delivery? Dean wrinkled his nose. Hmm... he thought the whole stork thing in Dumbo was stupid but maybe....

"C'mon, Dean, let's go see mommy and the baby," daddy said happily. He squeezed Dean gently, but Dean didn't mind. It meant that daddy wasn't nervous anymore. Dean shrugged- he'll figure out how his baby brother came to be later.

The nurse led them to a room and Dean saw mommy in a hospital bed. He squealed, squirming out of daddy's grip and ran to the bed. "Mommy, look! Daddy let me wear my Iron Man and I bringed toy Thor and my card for you and the baby."

"Brought, baby boy. 'You brought your toy Thor,'" mommy corrected gently. She sounded sleepy, daddy was right about that at least.

"Mary," daddy said, sounding hopeful. It was what daddy called mommy, and mommy also called daddy 'John' a lot.

"John," mommy smiled (see?) "He's sleeping in the incubator. The nurse said he was a bit small, but he'll be okay."

Dean watched daddy walk to this weird glass thingy. Maybe his baby brother was Captain America in disguise. Maybe his name will be Steve.

"He's so tiny, Mary," daddy said, sounding awed. Dean frowned, resting his things on mommy's fake bed, he went to daddy and held his arms up.

"Daddy, up. I wanna see."

Daddy didn't scold him this time, he just picked Dean up and showed Dean the sleeping...thing inside. Well...it's not Captain America in disguise for sure. The thing was too tiny to be Steve, ' _and too wrinkly_ ,' Dean amended. He studied the things face. It was pink and scrunched up. 'Like Santa,' Dean decided.

"Do you want to know his name, Dean?" daddy asked, he hugged Dean closer, so Dean rested his cheek against daddy's rough chin.

"Okay," Dean shrugged.

"Samuel, named after your grandfather," daddy said. He sounded proud, like how he usually sounded when Dean threw a football correctly.

"Mommy," Dean turned in daddy's arms to face her. "Can we call him Sammy instead? Samuel sounds weird."

Mommy laughed, her eyes crinkling happily- Dean liked it when she laughed like that. "Yes, Dean, we can call him that."

Dean turned back to study his new baby brother. The...baby-thing was swaddled in a blanket and he wore a blue hat, but this tiny thing was also his baby brother- no one else's, and he was his brother. ' _I'll teach him to like Cap'n, and to read comics_ ,' Dean decided. Just not now. Not until he was absolutely sure little Sammy wasn't gonna turn into a watermelon.

* * *

One month later Sammy was still growing. He was almost bald but not quite because thin dark tuffs of hair was growing. Another new development was as it turned out, Sammy's poop smelled worse than Dean's own. So...there was also that. Mommy or daddy didn't seem to care as much, or they didn't look like it, because they never made faces while changing Sammy's diaper.

Dean learned not to mind so much because mommy and daddy let him help take care of little Sammy. Dean got to read Sammy bedtime stories, get a baby wipe or diaper, and sometimes when Sammy threw up- he got to fetch a warm washcloth. But the absolute best part Dean got to do was hold Sammy tight and never let go because mommy and daddy got busy sometimes (they were always in the same room though...but it was basically the same thing. _Dean_ was Sammy's babysitter.)

"You don't look like a watermelon," Dean told Sammy. "So I guess it's okay if you take my comics when you're older, because watermelons don't know how to take care of comic books." Sammy wouldn't respond, he just blinked, which was good enough.

"Y'know what daddy told me, Sammy? He told me that since I'm your big brother, I get to take care of you. He said I don't have to take care of just myself no more because I have you to take care of." He adjusted Sammy slightly, looking up at mommy who was reading a book, glancing up occasionally. "But I think daddy only said that because he likes watching his game so much, and mommy doesn't tell daddy no so she just likes to read her books," Dean whispered secretly, "You can't tell mommy or daddy because it's classified and they can't know."

Sammy stayed quiet for a few seconds before finally gurgling.

Dean smiled, "You and me, Sammy? We'll get along just fine." Sammy gurgled again.

* * *

 Dean stared at the clock impatiently. It was July two. Today, daddy was gonna take Dean swimming at the pool, but not until 3:30 and it was only 12:00. Mommy and Sammy couldn't come because although Dean kept asking if they could, mommy told him it wasn't good for baby's to be around swimming pools.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Endless ticking, and with each minute the clock seemed to move slower.

Dean threw Rocket across his room, frustrated. Sighing, Dean picked Rocket back up before leaving his room. He found daddy in his study, working on blueprints (that's what daddy called them.) Looking at daddy through his eyelashes, he set his chin on daddy's desk.

"Dean, we're not leaving until it's time to," daddy said. He made more marks on the paper.

"Hmph," Dean grunted. He got up and crawled up daddy's lap. "Daddy, will you teach me to swim? I wanna learn to swim."

"Of course, Dean," daddy sighed, but he hugged Dean close.

"When Sammy get's big can I teach him to swim?" Dean asked. He put Rocket on daddy's table.

"Yes, Dean," daddy sounded distracted.

Dean focused his attention on Rocket, the stuffed hippo. "Can Rocket learn to swim too?"

"Oh for," now daddy said, frustrated. "Dean, if you keep bothering me when I'm working we won't go swimming at all."

Dean bit his lip. Whoops. He hugged Rocket before squirming to get down.

"Dean, why don't you...go play with Sammy? Or have mommy tell you a story?" Daddy sighed again.

' _But Sammy's only two months. He can't do anything_ ,' Dean thought darkly, but he still nodded, "Okay." He leaned up to kiss daddy before running out the office. Dean found Sammy and mommy in the kitchen. Mommy was cooking lunch while Sammy watched in interest at spot in his swingy chair.

"Mommy, can you read me a story?" Dean whined, glancing at Sammy before turning back to mommy.

"No, Dean, not now. I'm making lunch," mommy answered. "Read for Sammy, alright? Or play with him."

Dean glanced at Sammy, rolling his eyes. "Fine," he muttered. He settled in front of Sammy's chair, staring at him. Sammy stared straight back. Finally, Dean went to the fridge and got his Avengers magnets.

"Who's your favorite Avenger?" Dean asked, he gestured to the magnets. "Choose one."

Sammy made baby noises before grabbing Hulk. "Okay now, Sammy, this is what we do. See, Hulk's real name is Bruce Banner. He's really smart, but got..."

Dean went on explaining each Avenger in detail. By the time he got to Thor, mommy was done cooking and by the time they were done eating and Dean got to the Wasp, it was 3:30.

"Are you going to get ready, Dean?" daddy asked. "Or would you rather stay here," he sounded amused.

Dean scrambled away, but right before he left, he kissed Sammy on his forehead in thanks. It hadn't taken so long, after all.

* * *

 "We should get Sammy a Hulk sweater. So he'll match me," Dean said glancing around the store. Sammy was just about three months now, so there was a tiny bit more variety in baby clothes (but not much.)

Daddy laughed, "I don't think that's what your mother had in mind." He looked at the sweater Dean was pointing at contemplatively. "But, you know what, Dean? You are absolutely right- Sammy needs a new sweater."

Dean clapped his hands, delighted. Daddy had awesome taste in baby clothes, Dean knew. Mommy just got plaid shirts and...and shirts with weird collars on them.

"But just this once, Dean," daddy said, hiding a smile. Dean knew when his daddy hid smiles because he'd pretend to cough except he doesn't need to cough because daddy only coughed when he was sick. Dean knew his daddy well.

"'Kay," Dean shrugged. He grabbed daddy's hand as he led them to the checkout line then across the parking lot to their car. Dean kept quiet most of the ride and before long they were back at home.

"C'mon, daddy," Dean giggled, pulling his daddy on the front steps of their house. "I wanna show Sammy his Hulk sweater."

Dean ran up the stairs, letting Sammy's Hulk sweater trailing behind like a cape. "Saaammy, lookit what me and daddy got you!" He stopped in front of Sammy's door.

Mommy held the baby in her arms, singing softly. Dean grinned- he knew this song.

"...Hey Jude, don't let me down. You have found her, no go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart. Then you can start to make it better," mommy sang really prettily. Her voice would make a wavy sound and her expression would go gentle.

Dean couldn't sing as well, so he didn't bother, but he watched his mommy rock and sway to soothe Sammy. He jumped when he felt daddy's big hand on his shoulder. Smiling up at daddy, he stretched his arms up in a silent request. Daddy did as was told and crossed into Sammy's room.

Mommy smiled at daddy and Dean, her wavy hair like a halo around her face. "Welcome back, boys."

"Hi mommy," Dean whispered. "Lookit what me and daddy got Sammy!" He held up the Hulk sweater proudly and explained hurriedly, "It's so me n' Sammy will match." He looked down at sleeping Sammy, still kinda pink but not wrinkly. He also hasn't turned into a watermelon...so, that's good.

"That's not what I sent you boys out for," mommy raised one eye at daddy, but her eyes were twinkly, so Dean knew she was teasing.

"Our son is too much like you," daddy told mommy seriously. "He get's doe-eyed and I can't say no."

Dean smiled, pleased, that is good information for later.

"Hmm, or maybe he's stubborn as you are and won't take no as an answer," mommy smiled back.

Dean considered this. That is also a possibility, he'll have to test both later. Right now though, Sammy's face was crinkling- a sign he was gonna cry. Loudly. ' _Uh-oh_ ,' Dean had time to think before Sammy let out a big wail.

* * *

 Daddy seemed to be studying a lot, so Dean spent a lot of his time with mommy and Sam. This particular day was nice out, so mommy decided it was okay to play in the park. Dean squirmed in his booster seat, five month old Sammy seemed to catch on in his excitement and wiggled too.

"Sammy-Sam," Dean sang, "You can't wait to see your first park? I think mommy's taking us to the swirly slide one. That one's really fun."

Sam babbled, he did that a lot.

"You'll like that one, huh?" Dean asked. "Mommy, can we get ice-cream after?"

Mommy laughed, "Maybe, Dean. We'll see."

That practically meant yes. Dean squealed in delight.  _Ice-cream_. He looked outside his window, feeling content.

As the exited the car, mommy helped Dean with his seatbelt then got Sammy's stroller out. "Hold on, Dean, you need to hold my hand when we cross the street, remember?"

Dean nodded and looked longingly at the playground that was just across the street. When mommy was done she held out her hand while pushing on Sammy's stroller. When they _finally_  arrived, Dean broke free and climbed up the steps to the slide. He looked back to where mommy was settling on a bench.

"Hi mommy! Hi Sammy! Lookit me! I'm so high in the air," Dean yelled, laughing.

Mommy grinned back, pointing at him while talking to Sam.

Dean left and slid down the slide, laughing the entire way. He couldn't wait for Sammy to get big, then they could play together.

Panting, Dean surveyed the playground. There were a couple other kids there, clearly taking advantage of the good weather. That's when Dean noticed a girl swinging by herself. Dean smiled.

"What's your name?" Dean settled on the swing next to the girl. She looked to be his age, with pretty curly brown hair and she wore a purple dress.

"Annie, what's yours?"

"Dean," he smirked.

"Cool," Annie looked around. "You here with anyone?"

"My mom and my little brother," Dean pointed to where they were, "There, see? What about you?"

The girl shrugged, "Just my grandma and my big sister." Annie looked away, "Well, I'm going now. Bye."

Dean watched Annie go, feeling disappointment well up. He jumped down and ran to where mommy and Sammy sat. He crouched next to Sammy's stroller. Baby Sam looked at him curiously. Although it wasn't very cold, Sammy still wore a full baby suit, but it was a light one. His hazel eyes were squinty in the new light.

"See that Sam? Did you see me talk to that girl?" Sammy blinked at him. "I'm pretty sure you did. Anyway, when you get older, I'm gonna teach you to do that, 'kay?" When he looked up, mommy was shaking her head, amused. Dean grinned. Well, it was true, he was.

* * *

At five months Sammy got sick.

Which sucked because Dean wasn't able to watch his cartoons the next Sunday morning. Mommy and daddy let him, but Sammy cried so much it was hard to concentrate.

Dean sighed before turning off the tv. He got up and went to Sammy's room, where mommy was trying to soothe baby Sam. Dean watched from the doorway before running back downstairs, when Dean came back he held his toy bowl and spoon that Nanna gave him for his third birthday.

He stopped in front of mommy and Sammy before saying, "Sammy, I can't watch my tv show because you keep crying." Dean brought his spoon up to Sammy's mouth, "Here's tomato soup, it'll make you feel better." Mommy opened her mouth to stop Dean but stopped as she realized Sammy had stopped crying. "Good boy," Dean praised. "I should know this would make you feel better because before you got here I got sick real bad one time and mommy made me rice and tomato soup. I have soup in this bowl but no rice because you don't have teeth."

Sammy looked right at Dean, his tiny face streaked in tears and snot. He blinked before cooing. Dean smiled and got up to get baby wipes. "There you go, baby brother. Now, can you please stay quiet? I wanna watch my show." Sammy cooed again. "I'll read to you later," Dean promised.

Right before Dean could get up, mommy grabbed his hand. She smiled tiredly, "Thank you, Dean. You're a good big brother."

Dean grinned, "'Course I am." He kissed mommy's cheek before running downstairs.

 _Ah_. Sunday morning cartoons. And Sammy stopped crying, so, that was a plus too.

* * *

_  
There was some kind of poetic irony the night when everything went to hell._

_They were a young family, a father who's just received his masters degree in mechanics and a young mother striving to create a better home. T _he older of the two boys not even beginning school, whilst t_ he youngest one was _just _turning six months. They were a family in the makings of creating it's way into the world, a family with it's own past, a family who was willing to do anything for one another._

_Unbeknownst to them, that one value was just about to be tested, in more ways than one._  


* * *

All Dean really remembers about this day was that everything happened so quickly. Daddy had left for his new job at the car maintenance place, while mommy stayed home with Sammy and Dean. Dean woke up extra early that day, just to see daddy off.

"Bye, daddy!" Dean called, running down the stairs. Daddy was already dressed, a mug of coffee and a newspaper in his hands. Daddy looked up at Dean.

"Catch you later, sport," Daddy smiled.

Dean ran up to him, "When will you be back?"

Daddy scooped him up, grinning, "Just in time to tuck you into bed."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart," he brushed Dean's hair back- it was a lot longer then.

Dean smiled, "Ok. I'll see you, I love you!" He kissed him and then Daddy was off.

Mommy was up too, she wore her robe still. "Ready for some breakfast, hon?"

"Yeah!"

Everything...was a blur then. Dean picked Sammy's clothes, then they watched cartoons. After lunch, mommy said they could go for a walk around the block- Dean got to ride his bike. It was a blue bike. Sammy wore a green hat, Dean doesn't remember much else.

Before dinner, Dean played with his action figures in his room. Dinner was probably chicken, but it was also probably roast beef. Then before he knew it, it was time for bed. As Dean brushed his teeth, Sammy was wrapped up and in his cradle, it was almost time.

"C'mon, let's say goodnight to your brother," mommy carried him into Sammy's room. This was routine.

Dean dutifully ran to his step and kissed Sammy's forehead, "'Night, Sam." Mommy kinda giggled, he remembered that.

"Goodnight love," mommy said, her voice soft and gentle. Sammy gurgled. Dean smiled.

"Hey Dean."

Dean felt his heart race, "Daddy!" He ran into daddy's arms.

"Hey buddy. So what do you think? You think Sammy's ready to toss around a football, yet?"

"Noo, daddy," Dean giggled. That was silly, Sam couldn't even walk yet.

"You got him?" Mommy passed by.

"I got him," daddy answered. Dean felt content, everyone was happy- just as it should be. He hugged daddy and daddy hugged back.

"Sweet dreams, Sam," Daddy murmured.

What Dean really remembered is seeing Sam in his crib, gurgling, and then he couldn't. It was dark. Daddy had turned the light off...but wait, did the light just... No, it couldn't have.

"So, sport, what story you wanna hear tonight?" Daddy smiled, setting Dean on his bed.

Dean thought for a moment- he was really getting too big for stories. "Not tonight, daddy. I'm too tired for stories."

Daddy only nodded. He helped Dean get under the covers, and tucked him in. The last thing he did was to turn on his nightlight, "Goodnight Dean. Love you."

"'Night daddy, love you too!" Dean settled onto his side and stared out the window, waiting for sleep to take him under.

Except.

It didn't.

Time passed and Dean tossed and turned. He sighed, then his attention turned to the wall. Sammy was awake and beginning to cry. Dean bit his lip, cautiously stepping out of bed, he tiptoed to his slightly cracked open door. He froze as he was able to make out mommy's figure, going into Sammy's room. Dean watched for a moment before carefully opening the door a bit more. Did the lights just flicker? What was going on..

Dean scrunched his nose, he could barely make out mommy's voice. "John? Is he hungry?" A pause. "Okay."

Dean frowned. The lights really were acting funny. Okay, good, mommy noticed, she'll fix it. Feeling a bit more satisfied, Dean rubbed his eyes. Sleepy now. He climbed back under the covers, hugging Rocket into his chest.

It felt like only a few seconds. There was a scream. Mommy's scream.

"Mary? Mary!" Footsteps pounded up the stairs. "Mary!"

Dean froze, unable to move, he clutched Rocket closer. 'Please let mommy be okay. Please let mommy be okay,' the mantra repeated itself over and over.

Utter silence.

"No, Mary. Mary!" that was daddy. That was daddy yelling. For mommy.

Feeling his heart beat faster than ever, Dean leapt out of bed. He scrambled to the hallway, where daddy ran out out of the baby's room, holding Sammy.

"Daddy!"

"Take your brother out as fast as you can! Don't look back!" daddy handed Sammy to him. Dean stared at daddy. "Now, Dean! Go!"

" _Sammy's in trouble. Focus on Sammy. Daddy told you something, now do it_!" Something feral, deep within Dean, screamed at him. He obeyed and turned, running down the stairs as fast as his legs would allow. Dean threw the door open and stepped onto the grassy yard, bare footed.

Gasping Dean tried to soothe Sam. "It's okay, Sammy." He stared at Sammy's bedroom window, fire engulfed it. And suddenly daddy was behind him, picking him up and saying something Dean couldn't quite comprehend. _Where's mommy_.

* * *

_  
The irony isn't lost on Dean. He could remember that hellish night with perfect clarity. He remembered the fire, he remembers John's (no longer 'daddy') panicked voice, he remembers Sammy's wails, but most of all he remembered mommy's final scream. But for the life of him, he couldn't recall anything that happened that final day with_ her _._

Maybe _she wore her robe or her comfy slippers- Dean wasn't certain._ Maybe _she played with him- Dean didn't know._ Maybe _she read to him- Dean thought._ Maybe _she sung to him- Dean couldn't remember any of it. Just the horrible bits._

 _And_ almost _worst of all, Dean had missed the chance of his daddy ever reading to him. He never did after that. After that night._

_The irony isn't lost on Dean. It was kind of poetic. But mostly it was horrible and wrong and it never should've happened._

**Author's Note:**

> Holy...cow...that took forever. Sorry, that's probably the longest fic I've written to date. Um, yeah, I definitely think there are a lot of room for improvement, but I feel that this is prooobably the best I can do.
> 
> Well, that is all. I hope you guys liked it and mayyyybe, there'll be more fics like this from me in the future. Maybe. Wellp, seeya later!


End file.
